when i philosophized and thought about certain things

um. my mother was a chinese trapeze artist.

i thought a lot tonight. mostly out loud to amber. and came up with the following parallel (though not quite so) situation in which i comforted myself by knowing that when it happens it will be when it happens.

1. jamba and i have nothing in common, and so she does not see whatever beauty i (apparently) have to offer. she doesn't see me how castro/harley/tina/amber see me. but those four appreciate what i appreciate, or something like that. i have nothing to give her, just like she has nothing to give me (if you know what i mean...oh!). she's cute and all. and we will have the bees knees time at prom, of course. but that is why there is nothing happening, because there is no need for something to happen. there would be no balance. on the other hand

2. sacramento and i shared a ridiculous amount of things in common, none of which i care to go into, as it's all long gone. but she immediately saw me as i saw her. i shan't laud myself with praise, but she really felt something for me, as i did for her, because we were equals. we shared things. she could see straight into my soul. or whatever. but that's why it worked (briefly) with her without any trouble, because we were equals, and she was what i was looking for and i was what she was looking for.

i comfort myself with that knowledge.

what i have realized (through philosophizing with a brightly burning flame) is that in the end, everything will be alright. sure, solipsism is relieving, existentialism preoccupying, nihilism justifying. but when all of those philosphies burn to the ground, all we are left with is the hope, the vain vain vain vain vain hope, that everything will be alright. it's all we can cling to. and things will work out in the end. they have to. otherwise, life will have been for naught, completely unfounded and without reason. in which case, why even exist in the first place? all of life may be complete shit, but one moment, one love, one breath, one morning, will make it all worth it. that one moment (however long it may be...a minute or a year or ten, twenty, thirty years) will give life reason to exist and will germinate the seed of life and beauty will blossom in all corners of the young green earth and life will seem for aught and a smile will caress your golden lips and you will feel immortal, powerful, unbreakable; capable of disturbing the universe.

and when i created a school of philosophy discounting the idea of schools of philosophy:

Slight Bread: i mean the truth is that we all have our own philosophy that is only applicable to us and no one else
Slight Bread: sure, what works for me could generally work for you. we're somewhat similar. but you and i don't have the same philosophy in everything
Slight Bread: nor does anyone
Slight Bread: what works for, i don't know, allford, probably wouldn't work for, i dont' know, james.
Slight Bread: general schools of philosophy are interesting, but everyone develops their own school of thought in the end by combining outside influence with personal instincts
to Burn Brightly: yeah. thats why i believe in a subjective view of the universe rather than an objective one.
Slight Bread: mhm
Slight Bread: and of truth, as well
Slight Bread: truth is how we perceive it as truth.
to Burn Brightly: yeah. and nothing ever really stays the same.
Slight Bread: undoubtedly
Slight Bread: you'll wake up tomorrow feeling better than you feel now, emotionally
Slight Bread: so, which was the truth? tonight or tomorrow morning?
Slight Bread: or both?
to Burn Brightly: i always feel its both. but maybe truth is only now.
Slight Bread: yeah.
Slight Bread: i mean, how can you argue with how you feel?
to Burn Brightly: you can't. not logically. because emotion is inherently irrational.
Slight Bread: exactly.