when i had thoughts and was mad

everything that happens is everything and somehow adds up to the sum of now.

nothing was, is, or will ever be for naught.

our hearts, minds, and memories are not physical storage spaces with a set limit; the amount of room we have is entirely unlimited, and it is up to us what we keep and what we discard.

now is not one moment we are living by detaching ourselves from then, the past. now is what we are living because we allowed ourselves to soak up every single moment of the past that brought us here. if we were to impede that natural flow of things, where we live now as a sum of then, we would simply breathe no more and die. the only way to abandon yesterday is to also abandon tomorrow and any hope of any future. every moment that we live, including those times where it is one moment after the next, is moving on. we are always moving on. moving on does not have to include forgetting. that's the opposite of moving on. that's moving sideways, which, while perhaps getting you away from the fact that you cannot for the life of you accept the movement of things, moves you anywhere but forward, which is the only direction in which to move on. moving on, in fact, completely encompasses taking everything you've ever cherished with you, and incorporating it, one way or another, into where you move on to. otherwise, moving on is pointless. being happy is pointless. making friends, love, money, memories is pointless. living becomes fucking pointless if you think that moving on somehow entails forgetting everything about where you came from and what made you feel truly alive and full of holy breath.

so keep close to your heart what feels like it is close to heart (because it probably is). don't feel like you have to make room for whatever comes next, as if it is somehow more important that what has happened.

never ever forget anything that made you feel even the slightest bit alive, because life is those moments, and death is deserting them.

and hold on to how everything made you feel at first. don't change the mantra of love to love just beacuse you are afraid to love because it entails not only love, but loss, heartache, longing, and sadness. so the fuck what? love because you can, and never ever forget that. never abandon those things that made your eyes shine with the vigor of life and made your chest swell like a parachute in the spring. there is no goddamn reason on to force yourself to forget all of those things that make you happy and alive when life is already so ephemeral, anyway.

nothing.

everything is everything.

ps. how can you just abandon the most beautiful things in life just because the pain they may cause you is rooted in their very own eternal beauty? never be afraid of the future, because it will come no matter what you do to fight it, and it will turn in to the past, with or without you. you might as well take all you can with it.