when i saw the sunrise

i take things as signs and all. i look at how i react to a situation and use that to gauge...everything. or just some things.
we hadnt seen each other in three months and had barely spoken during that time. but the fact that, once i held her again and kissed her again and felt her on my chest again and saw her cry again and touched her face again...well, i thought, "my god, how can i love someone so unquestioningly, so easily, so undoubtedly, so naturally?" and i realized that we aren't really playing silly games and that whatever is between us is deeper than all rivers and roses. there is nobody i want to hold more or kiss more. or anything more. that means something, i think. and i don't know how many people like that appear in life. my guess: one. the tricky part is, of course, making the best of the situation and things. absence makes the heart grow fonder...i think i need to reword that saying somewhere. like...return from an absence will reveal all truth? i don't know. you know what i mean, hm?

i know that i will always love her. yes yes, i know. i still dont want anyone else in life. i hate saying things like this (though i think it all the time) because it just sound so blindly optimistic or romantically hopeless or maybe even a bit scary to her, but i really want to be with her. for good. or in the end. or whatever. however. things come and things go but she is like an animated statue built into my heart.

and on top of it all, i just wish that the last few months couldve happened differently. i know that things were bad and that she was hurt and that i was out of reach and that it really seemed like she was alone and i was free, and it may have felt that way, but that's the nature of being in different circumstances. i really just wish that i couldve somehow saved her that pain. but it's kind of like the sunrise now, you know? you look forward and the sky is beginning to light in the distance and as the sun comes up over the horizon you can barely remember what darkness is.

i hope you read this somehow. even more, i hope you already know these things.